Modern love?

Photo: The Odd Couple. 10.15.2005

The New York Times published an article this week titled, "Putting Money on the Table." Within, the author outlined a new dilemma for modern men and women - tensions over money that tossed the rules of traditional love on their heads:

"For the first time, women in their 20s who work full time in several big American cities - New York, Chicago, Boston and Minneapolis - are earning higher wages than men in the same age range...

"53 percent of women employed full time in their 20s were college graduates, compared with 38 percent of men. Women are also more likely to have graduate degrees...

"To her, his lack of income masked a greater problem: a lack of drive."

From my own prior experience - unbacked by scientific data, I freely admit - I agree with "her".

These days, it seems like American men are the domesticating gender. They are looking for that sweet girl to settle down. They are shopping for that house in the suburbs. They are seeking that work-life balance, but with an increasing emphasis on leisure. Some are getting older, yet refuse to grow up, as though by denying their age, they are excused from the responsibilities of adulthood.

Instead, I see more young women who burn with ambition: to trot the globe, to write that novel, to strive for that mega-salary, to find that near-perfect boyfriend, and live the ever more consumer-glorious American dream..

Note: by this, I emphatically do not mean that money and power are the only gauge of a worthy human being. The breakdown of traditional gender roles, and the opening of new social possibilities, can only be to the good. I applaud the rise of new-age men, emotionally expressive and accepting of equality. And many young women certainly have not stopped dreaming about weddings and babies.

But why the disparity in education, salary, and life goals? The opening up of one social niche should make for a more equalized society, with a similar percentage of women and men oriented to power and advancement, another to love and leisure, and others distributed everywhere with out and in between. The growth of one should not mean the diminshing of another!

I ask you: To have clear goals, a sense of purpose in life, and taking focused, realistic steps to achieve them... That isn't asking too much, is it?

But my deepest kudos - to everyone, chefs, soldiers, lawyers, artists, doctors, interior designers, what have you - who are already on their path!