Jadded.Cat.

2011-12-15T19:25:00.000-08:00

Attention is love. A tiny dollop of non-pressuring, unconditional love that we rarely get once we are no longer little children. Some people never got it even when they were little children.

As we grow up, we come to believe that that kind of love is no longer possible. We fall into entrancement trying to get it, make up movie scripts in our minds, making bargains with "God" or "Fate" that if we do xyz, we will be loved again. It doesn't really work, of course, and the "love" that we get in these cases isn't real, because it came with conditions attached. And, somewhere deep down, we know this, and it makes us anxious and fall even deeper into entrancement.

This is the human condition.

So, since we are all living out these hidden anxieties, secretly yearning for love, we often don't pay enough attention to each other. We talk, but at cross purposes. We interact, but who are we interacting with? The person before us, or the fears and doubts in our own heads?

If you think about this, perhaps you'll come to realize: everyone could do with a bit of real attention, that expects nothing, that only wants to know without judgment and to hear. You're helping them by giving them a tiny bit of unconditional love. So long as you give no more than what you can easily afford, it's a step closer to becoming your true self.

2011-12-08T15:40:00.001-08:00

"It's a long journey to Babylon, dear heart. What songs shall I sing, to wile away the time?"

Understanding.

2011-08-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

Life is change.

And pain is the price we pay for transformation.

Outcome.

2011-06-26T15:58:00.001-07:00

6 of Swords.

Another night, another ship, and after some swift entanglement, we pass the other by.

There have been too many nights, too many ships, too many moonless darkness unleaven by stars. Mine is a but a fragile skiff, adrift in the breeze. I roil to the slightest turbulence, the merest wave; I am in constant fear of capsizing.

And come the others, hulking liners, pulling me into their wake, unwilling. I, who am happiest sailing my lonesome, can only close my eyes... and hang on.

O, if there are gods and they have mercy, they will grant me a space in the safe harbors. Else, let me loose upon the wild ocean, and watch me sail into the sky!

She said.

2011-06-25T22:21:00.001-07:00

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's, well...broken.

-- Debi, Grosse Point Blank

What if.

2011-06-22T11:45:00.001-07:00

Were I to throw in my lot with a broken wounded bird, tattered and beautiful, yet still striving to fly... Would I share its joys in the wild blue skies, or be blinded by its erratic flight?

Were I to care for a stunted tree growing, its branches twisted, yet still able to flower... Would I admire the tender buds, or only see its painful scarring?

Oh, were I filled with the milk of human kindness, grace, understanding, and endless patience -- should I not know the answer already?

As it is, I am a cracked mirror, the tainted dove, a mere mortal who dreamt small dreams.

Only time will tell. As time tells everything, in time.

A thought

2011-06-17T17:04:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, I wish I could disembody and fly away into the wind. This 4-cornered world would be filled by the faintest traces of me. I would then hide between the falling waters, and snake through the shifting sands, and linger by flowers that only bloom in secret places at night.

If I could do this, would my thoughts also stop? What peace that would be...

Edit: Looking at posts below, I seemed to have had this very same thought 2 years ago. Ha...

TED on Glamour

2009-12-06T09:25:00.001-08:00

I learned today that an important part of what I strive to capture in my photography is... not truth, but glamour! Not to reveal the dreary details of everyday life, but to inject within the possibility of mystery and poetry, a little dollop of dream.

Hm.

2009-10-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

09.27.2009

I wish my secret magic is the ability to disconnect my spirit from my body. Oh, to fly into the bewildering corners of this universe, the wilderness of unlimited space, unrestrained by flesh!

自由开朗

2009-06-27T11:54:00.000-07:00

Sky. 06.17.2009

慧眼张开，目睹红尘

红尘本灰，无可忘怀

从灰寻白，黑里挑灰

如此度日，如此逍遥

传说联想。

2009-06-08T20:08:00.000-07:00

铺天盖地. 04.03.2009

黄泉路边忘川河
忘川河上奈何桥
奈何桥末望乡台
望乡台旁孟婆汤

三生石上
故人回首
藕断丝连
来世再见！

随笔花痴。

2009-06-05T10:37:00.001-07:00

李俊基。。。这是所谓的男生女相吗？还是简直就是女人?!

男人还是这样的好。什么时候才能进化到每个人都相貌如此？DNA啊，刚快改良吧！

东邪西毒。

2009-05-29T22:15:00.000-07:00

oses. 05.28.2009

刚刚又看了王家卫的《东邪西毒》。他的作品总带种淡淡的——或，如你有过在情中煎熬，浓浓的——伤感。他可以把欧阳锋想象成为情而远走他乡，为情而冷酷，为情而疯狂。连洪七公都得到了一段前所未有的浪漫史：有个怎么甩都甩不掉的老婆。

在他的世界里，人好似一爱上就永远无法自拔，注定痴痴的刻骨铭心。而且那爱的开始往往只是个偶尔的相视，随随的一瞥，无心的几句调侃。

可惜我不是那么罗曼提克的种子，无法理解这些人乏味的自我挣扎，也只能远远的欣赏他们有诗意的种种痛苦。从我西方式眼光看来，电影里很多情节其实挺容易处理，何谓煎熬？这些人！难道感情与行动无关？难道忘却而重生是那么那么难，而无奈是做人的最好心态？无法理解！

其实我经常纳闷：为何佛定要以情为戒，说它令人迷茫于红尘？为何在中国传统理论来说，爱总好似悲剧的开头？

现在不是新世界么？幸福就在咫尺之外，有胆便可得到。

看来，optimism还是富裕国家的奢侈！

A Thought.

2009-05-28T07:04:00.000-07:00

Beijing Airpot. 04.09.2009

It occurs to me everytime I travel, I discover something new about myself.

What an introverted perspective: to move through the world yet finding changes only in oneself!

偶尔的悲伤

2009-05-16T18:38:00.000-07:00

Path. 04.20.2009

我此世
没什么刻骨铭心的爱
回想来
大都是我伤他人
偶尔他人伤我
（屈指可数）

浅浅的爱
浅浅的伤
不算什么

事到如今，我只可说
曾真的被某些人注意过
看过某些人在我面前，一掠而过，眼底心底的欣喜
也尝过（虽然只那么一小口一小口）爱的甜蜜，爱的辛苦

生日也过
人生也过
时间在眼前消失消逝
虽然还没到红颜消散的年华
却总觉我以站在某种人生的插口。。。

接下去要怎么走？
大智若愚
还是迷迷懵懵
自己也看不出
只能下此定论：
注定不是草草婚嫁，生儿育女，驻地扎根，温馨稳稳的过个平凡！

奇怪啊
那么多从小的以为
到现在都一一推翻了

我到底要怎么？
苍天啊，或者你
给我个回应吧

生日（不仅到了，还过了）

2009-05-09T21:29:00.000-07:00

Birthday. 05.09.2009

幸福这东西

要看心态

郁闷时

远在天边

快乐时

近在眼前

谢谢你们陪我又增长一岁

好好把握时机

我们都要过得快快活活!

生日（还没到！）

2009-05-07T18:14:00.000-07:00

Moss. 04.20.2009

又过一年，又一生日
好似Damocles之剑悬在顶头
摇摇欲坠
于是我对如下几句颇有感觉:

三十功名尘与土
八千里路云和月
莫等闲
白了少年头
空悲切！

Scenery.

2009-04-26T11:54:00.000-07:00

Guilin, China. 04.18.2009

红尘不爱缘难解，
从此白头论乾坤。

Cherries come again.

2009-04-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

Petals. 04.03.2009

Consider this: beauty exists in the blooming flowers, and beauty exists in the fallen petals.

Given the choice, which do you prefer? One is abundant life ascendant; the other, the inevitable fate of all things. Each possesses its own truth. And truth, Keats tell us, is beautiful.

But why do I pose these pointless questions? There are no answers, or none worth discussion.

-- They flutter in the wind, and drift upon grass. The world, a cotton-candy swirl as far as eyes can see.

Beauty exists everywhere. And I like it.

Photography.

2009-03-14T20:57:00.000-07:00

03.13.2009

What is it about photography that intrigues me so?

Not the technical aspect which draws so many. I drown in a sea of aperture, f-stops, ISO.

I just want to capture the beautiful ephemerals in this world: the fleeting movements, colors, the atmosphere. Composition. A feeling. A casual impression. A certain blue in the sky. The deceptive geometry of cities that change as you shift your viewpoint.

I suppose, after all, I am trying to achieve poetry via pictures.

Existentialism.

2009-02-03T20:02:00.000-08:00

Sunset. 08.2007.

There was a time when I wept at twilight, for it was the death of the sun, the day, the light.

For I have walked the precipice on the edge of death, and saw how sharply do the cliffs fall. And the darkness beyond is as intense as anyone can imagine, a darkness without light, without even the dream of light.

Rarely do we realize that life is but a flicker, a tiny peck of color, the merest breath of warmth surrounded by nothing. We are alive within illusions -- that death is distant, ever unreachable -- a journey to which would take all time and beyond. Yet, the space between life and un-life is that of "1" and "0" in a binary system.

"1" you live.
"0" you die.

It has no reason. No rhythm. No meaning. It is the fate written in all our stars -- a vast river thundering towards ... what? The gods only know.

Therefore, consider: What do you have to fear?

Carpe diem, and live.

Travel.

2009-01-04T09:45:00.001-08:00

These days an old familiar restless is coming to haunt me. I feel an intense urge to be in motion, flight, drive, doesn't matter, so long as it's some place I've never been. I therefore made a list of places I've been so far, and where I'd like go, in no particular order.

North America
U.S.A.
- California -- La Jolla, Los Angeles, San Diego, Santa Barbara
- Connecticut -- Bridgeport, Hartford
- Delaware
- District of Columbia
- Georgia -- Atlanta
- Illinois -- Illinois
- Maine
- Maryland -- Baltimore
- Massachusette -- Boston, Cape Cod & Martha's Vineyard, Springfield,
- Michigan -- Ann Arbor, Detroit
- Nevada -- Los Vegas
- New Hampshire
- New Jersey
- New York -- Albany, Buffalo, New York City, Rochester
- Ohio -- Cleveland, Toledo
- Pennsylvania -- Philadelphia
- Rhode Island
- Washington -- Seattle
- Vermont
- Virginia
Want to go: Arizona, Florida, Hawaii, New Mexico, Texas

Canada
> Ontario -- Ottawa, Toronto
> Quebec -- Montreal, Quebec City
Want to go: British Columbia, Newfoundland

Europe
- United Kingdom -- London
- Spain -- Barcelona
Want to go: Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Italy, Ireland, The Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Turkey

Asia
- China -- Beijing, Chongqing, Guangzhou, Guilin, Hangzhou, Hong Kong, Nanning, Taiyuan, Wuhan, Xi'an
- Japan -- Tokyo
Want to go: India, Indonesia, Korea, Mongolia, The Philippines, Russia, Taiwan, Thailand, Vietnam

Africa
Want to go: Egypt, Madagascar, Morocco, South Africa

South America
Want to go: Brazil, Mexico, Peru

Australia
Want to go: Australia, New Zealand, Papua New Guinea

Wow.. seems like I've got a lot of travel to do.

And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

雨过天晴。

2008-11-23T20:30:00.000-08:00

The Red Room. 11.2008

The storm passes, leaving in its wake a pale, calm tranquility.

From without, love is an enclosed, stifling world--full of turmoil, passions, intense undercurrents, and yet still sparkles of pure joy.

The Buddha says: leave the red dust behind. Instead, seek clarity, peace. Become one with the universe and discard the detritus of merely human things.

Sometimes I wish I could. Take the mantle of his words and place it upon my shoulders. What is it like to not think, not yearn, not want, and simply to be? Everyday must then be either a miracle or party to a world of dust.

I just want to live. Is this so much to ask?

Cross Roads?

2008-10-25T14:13:00.000-07:00

Lights. 06.28.2008

任何事都有开始，有结束。
我现在面对的
是开始，还是结束？
短短人生可以有一千万个故事，
也可以只有一个。
要我如何选择？

虽然
从没向往那平凡的安稳，
那平静的安宁。。。
可也经不起这无聊的起伏，
这无形的风雨，
这乏味的冲动！

I.

2008-06-03T18:44:00.000-07:00

Stone. 06.02.2008.

I am the project of my life;
I am the artwork of my life.
My personhood is the ultimate expression
of who I am.
To that end, I strive and strive.
Were I Extrovert, my external life would change according to Me.
But I Introvert, and therefore I am the one who alters.
As for authenticity—I am the Me
that sees behind these eyes, thinks behind this mind, and feels behind this heart.
That the eyes see differently, or the mind thinks or heart feels
some other way,
does not make false this eternal fact.

We small immortals have equal right to truth:

I am who I am;

although everything changes,

nothing is changed.

长久以前的他。

2008-05-10T22:32:00.000-07:00

Amber. 03.2008.

He is nothing to me. I am nothing to him. Our worlds do not intersect; our past never did. I know nothing about him. He knows nothing about me. Apart for the one night I affected him, we could have been ships in the night, forever more.

I wish it were so.

But now, it is almost sad, this state of nothingness.

I can no longer remember him as a person, separate and distinct. His image has been blurred by all the things I desired in an ideal lover, tempered by ridiculous dreams and vestigial fancy. Who is he really? Did I ever know? Will I ever know it, or have that opportunity?

But too many maybes have slipped through my grasp.

I no longer dream.

5.09.2008

2008-05-05T09:27:00.000-07:00

岁月神速。转身二十几，一生的四分之一消失在眼前。有何感叹？我词穷。人生是梦。而我是否会看破红尘，展翅飞？哪是地点，哪是方向。有时只想逃离。

于此看来，我最会逃避。在感情，思考，碎锁人生。虽是开朗人，也有灰色的叹息。如果再有时间金钱，地位权利，又怎样？

每个生日都重新自检。结论：路子还长着呢。

Cherry Blossom Rules.

2008-04-24T07:59:00.000-07:00

Well, it’s been a while, but since I have no readers ;) I doubt anyone missed me.

I recently signed up on GoodReads, which is one of those proliferating social networking sites. This one is based on books and—you guessed it—reading. Back in the days of my sproghood, I was a truly voracious reader. I devoured books like junk food, and most were just as junky. Loads of romance novel drivel, run-of-the-mill fantasy (Piers Anthony? David Eddings?), and mystery/thrillers by 3-novels-a-year authors. Interspersed with some true gems, of course, all of which I spent this week obsessively listing onto that website. The list is hovering around 800 and growing (those are only the ones I still remember and liked). So by my estimates, I probably read around 3,000 books in the past 10 years. Pretty impressive, eh? Even if I do say so myself, until I saw the most voracious reader listing at 18,250 books!!! Where do they find the time? Do they do nothing else? Oh well. If anyone is interested, you can find me here.

The Cherry Blossom Festival. 04.05.2008

Anyways, DC is turning all the loveliest shades of green. A while ago, I attended the Cherry Blossom Festival at its opening. Their exhuberant flowering looked like puffs of cotton candy, so deliciously enticing against the pure blue sky, creamy white or faintly tinged with pink. Two weeks later, even the last stray petals have vanished into the earth.

What is it about beauty like this, that it cannot last? Keats, you are wrong!

Another Year.

2008-01-07T09:43:00.001-08:00

Boston City Hall. 2007.

So it passes. 2007 into 2008. Time speeding by, and nothing we can do about it, after all, but enjoy what we have right now and try to live life in the moment..

Well, here's to a new year, people!

East Versus West.

2007-12-12T08:20:00.000-08:00

Photo: City Square. 07.2007

The upcoming 2008 Summer Olympic has already been the cause of much tumult and furor. As the event approaches ever more rapidly, the mix of emotions can only grow stronger and more polarized.

One of the factors complicating this inevitable face-off is the inherent difference between Western and Eastern cultures. The West, inheritors of the Greek and Roman ideals, has a tradition of open, frontal confrontations as a means to provoke and resolving conflicts. Ancient Greek warriors were all about one-on-one combat, even when it would be more prudent to stay within their city-states for a defensive war.

One well-known example is Hector of Troy (whose most recent incarnation is Eric Bana, in the 2004 movie). Although he knew that he was the strongest and best warrior in Troy, and its only hope of holding out against the alliance, and despite his wife's and his father's begging, his honor demanded he go out to confront Achilles one-on-one in battle. Despite his absolute knowledge that the result of defeat for Troy would be sacking and pillaging, with all the men killed and all the women and children enslaved, he will satisfy his honor. Thus his image is burnt brightly onto some abstract, eternal plane, forever symbolizing a doomed and tragic heroism. Which, in the Greek view, is the only kind of immortality us mortals could ever achieve.

On the other hand, we have the Eastern (fine, Eastern Asian) perspective, which was all about face, underpinned by practicality. Practically speaking, futile confrontation in war, while admirable, is wasteful. (The Art of War advocates the best war is won without ever having to fight. Our Greek warriors would have revolted against this blatant removal of their only chances to glory.) And face is often about preserving the public dignity of others, and allowing them to graceful retreat in defeat. To do this creates a debt upon the defeated, which one day will be paid back. This is the behavior of an admirable gentleman, an example to all.

As you can see, two totally different perspectives on the ideal behavior.

When reading news about China, I often find that western journalism seems to see the face of the CCP as its actual presence, and ignoring the underlying currents--which is where negotiations really happen in most Asian societies.

So in the Western world, we have a host of intrepid, muck-raking journalists and activities, rising up to Big Gov't CCP, face-on and confrontational, seeing the Olympics as an opportunity to force China, in this most public of its displays, into fixing all kinds of flaws and issues. From the Asian perspective, this is rude, childish, and embarrassing--which, were this played out between individuals, would force the host to be/appear even more rigid and inflexible, and hold its position long after this event, in order to preserve face.

A proper, Asian way of getting things done would be: respect what the host is trying to do on this occasion, shower praises, be agreeable, and this effort would be known--unspoken--among all participants. The host would then feel a debt to the guests--who clearly could have behaved otherwise, yet chose not to--and will give the guest face in return, and will find opportunities to grant favors in the future.

As it is, the West sees CCP as faceless, huge, inscrutable, and inflexible, and the East sees these "intruders" as rude and hypocritical (b/c, you see, in Asia, there are often two layers to everything that is publically spoken or written, and most people are used to this).

*Sigh!* I sometimes wonder how these differences would ever be reconciled.

Of course, miscommunication is only a very small element in the ultimate issue. I do not propose that either perspective is right or wrong. There are situations that would be more suited to be dealt either one way or the other--neither is correct in all circumstances: a foolish, unproductive rigidity. However, I do want to inject my thoughts as one, out of many, more balanced viewpoint.

As China becomes slowly integrated into the global world--indeed, as all the different cultures ascend to a more level playing field--such conflicts will increase in number and scale, and only time will tell how they will all eventually resolve.

Arlington Cemetary, Autumn.

2007-11-22T19:47:00.001-08:00

Photo: The Path. 11.22.2007

November is drawing to its close, so suddenly--or so it seems to me. And yet the skies remain far above and blue, the leaves a wild tumult of orange, gold, and red. I, who am raised in the year-round winter of mid-Canada, where winter began in October and barely ends in May; who have lived in Michigan and scoffed at the Boston snows, could hardly believe that this year is nearly over, and that we are nearing winter.

A friend came visiting the other day, and we went to Arlington Cemetary, as neither of us had ever been. What a lovely view could be had from the top: the Washington Monument far away; Greek Revival buildings white between the fiery trees.

Photo: The Kennedys Now. 12.22.2007

On the way, we stopped to contemplate JFK and Jackie O, forever united in death. Later, while wandering in the Tomb of the the Unknown Soldier, we caught the guards changing their post amidst a subtle thunder of clicking cameras. But apart from the beauty of the day, I found it difficult to synch myself to the place's solemnity. Is it because my history do not mingle with those who made their final resting place here?

The longer I live, the more I feel I have no Home. Whether weary or joyful, my thoughts do not fly thankfully to some distant soil, but neither do they dwell upon this glorious land. I don't feel alien, necessarily; more a transient, like a kite without its controlling strings. I can pick up anytime, and travel far, and not feel the reality of change. Even then, as I stood in one of DC's more famous monuments, I found it necessary to mentally pinch myself--yes, I have moved 700 miles, and have a career now, and must plan my future and live and grow old like billions before me had and billions to come.

Maybe I am merely the logical next step of globalization. As standards of living converge, and international corporations multiply, I could as well enjoy my Starbucks here as I could in London, Cairo or Beijing...

Lust, Caution?

2007-11-15T14:40:00.000-08:00

Photo: Movie Still.

So I went to see Lust, Caution, directed by Ang Lee. I don't feel like doing any blurb of it right now, so if you are interested, you can check it out on rottentomatoes.com here.

It is a well-acted movie. Tony Leung and Tang Wei portray complex and believable characters. Their interactions most clearly depicted via scenes of explicit and painfully-intense sex, which has nothing to do with Eros and everything with our eternal struggle against Thanatos.

In the end, though, it all seems like much ado about nothing. True, one person was stabbed multiple times and bled to death before horrified perpetrators /witnesses. There was a semi-staged rape scene. There was intense power play between a powerful man and a seemingly-powerless woman. And yet, the ending dissolves these potentially devastating elements into a mere tempest in the teapot, a puff of hot air that quickly fades into nothing.

Perhaps I missed some critical nuance, but I do not find it pleasant to have my emotions all stirred up—and then, it ends. Was the evil, powerful man changed by this potentially life-altering potential-love? No. He got cracks in his armor, and she was summarily executed along with her band of co-conspirators. All her experiences meant nothing. --If the movie had meant to portray nothingness to give us an understanding of the ultimate futility of this world--OK. I can accept that. But the entire movie was spent on the nuance of their relationship, the background which was their unspoken context--the focus was all on the people.

Alas. What a waste.

I will give it THREE STARS out of a potential FIVE.

Another Venture.

2007-11-06T21:03:00.001-08:00

Photo: Korean Food. 11.03.2007
I like to eat. I don't deny it. I like good food, good restaurants, exotic ingredients, comfortable ingredients, beautifully made, humbly formed, I love 'em all.

And I also like taking photographs.

Therefore, my blog is rapidly turning into a food photog!

No, I will not let this happen! NO!

Regardless, the above is from an excellent Korean restaurant in Annandale, Virginia. It was so awesome and I was so immersed in the food, that I do not know what it is called. Blargh!

Exploring Virginia?

2007-11-01T22:40:00.000-07:00

Photo: Carlyle. 10.22.2007

So I've settled into my new apartment, and began exploring Virginia in earnest. My impression of it so far, is that it is full of shopping centers. Acres and acres of shopping centers. At the present, I haven't decided whether this is an accolade or condemnation. Virginia, state of the consumers!

A recent and wonderful discovery is Carlyle, an American-style restaurant at Shirlington, VA. I will go on record to state, this is one of the best restaurants I've ever been to, bar none (And I've been to quite a few!).

Photo: Delicious. 10.22.2007

Doesn't it look amazing? It is absolutely delicious also, not to mention good prices. This place is looking to become a regular favorite...

Washington, DC.

2007-09-29T20:35:00.001-07:00

Photo: Chinatown, DC. 09.29.2007
First day in DC, and guess where I go?

A leave-taking.

2007-09-26T14:08:00.001-07:00

Photo: Indian Desert. 09.24.2007

A last dinner with some friends at an Indian restaurant on Newbury.

One last chance to look at Boston, bustling in the night. What a thing it is, to take one's leave!

Photo: Flowers! 09.26.2007

My co-workers surprise me with flowers today, on my last day of work. Thinking back, I've only received flowers three times, ever. First was when I graduated from college. Second was when I graduated from law school. And the third-- This probably means I need some romance in my life.

But they are lovely, and sit on my window ledge, in the morning sun.

Modern love?

2007-09-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

Photo: The Odd Couple. 10.15.2005

The New York Times published an article this week titled, "Putting Money on the Table." Within, the author outlined a new dilemma for modern men and women - tensions over money that tossed the rules of traditional love on their heads:

"For the first time, women in their 20s who work full time in several big American cities - New York, Chicago, Boston and Minneapolis - are earning higher wages than men in the same age range...
"53 percent of women employed full time in their 20s were college graduates, compared with 38 percent of men. Women are also more likely to have graduate degrees...
"To her, his lack of income masked a greater problem: a lack of drive."

From my own prior experience - unbacked by scientific data, I freely admit - I agree with "her".

These days, it seems like American men are the domesticating gender. They are looking for that sweet girl to settle down. They are shopping for that house in the suburbs. They are seeking that work-life balance, but with an increasing emphasis on leisure. Some are getting older, yet refuse to grow up, as though by denying their age, they are excused from the responsibilities of adulthood.

Instead, I see more young women who burn with ambition: to trot the globe, to write that novel, to strive for that mega-salary, to find that near-perfect boyfriend, and live the ever more consumer-glorious American dream..

Note: by this, I emphatically do not mean that money and power are the only gauge of a worthy human being. The breakdown of traditional gender roles, and the opening of new social possibilities, can only be to the good. I applaud the rise of new-age men, emotionally expressive and accepting of equality. And many young women certainly have not stopped dreaming about weddings and babies.

But why the disparity in education, salary, and life goals? The opening up of one social niche should make for a more equalized society, with a similar percentage of women and men oriented to power and advancement, another to love and leisure, and others distributed everywhere with out and in between. The growth of one should not mean the diminshing of another!

I ask you: To have clear goals, a sense of purpose in life, and taking focused, realistic steps to achieve them... That isn't asking too much, is it?

But my deepest kudos - to everyone, chefs, soldiers, lawyers, artists, doctors, interior designers, what have you - who are already on their path!

State of the Profession.

2007-09-24T11:04:00.000-07:00

Photo: Going. 08.25.2007.

This morning, The Wall Street Journal posted this article, titled "Hard Case: Job Market Wanes for U.S. Lawyers," on their front page.

It gave dire statistics which are old news to recent law grads, and outlined the dismal state of the profession. Namely, that the elites are doing better (top law firm salary hikes to $160,000 this year), while the peasants merely scrape along (starting at around $35,000).

Some bitter discussion then deluged The WSJ Blog. Lawyers, law students, commented by the hundreds, with eloquence fueled by frustration and despair. They spoke of their crushing education debts, and the lack of lucrative jobs. They denounced law schools for being profit-driven, promulgating the fiction that lawyers lived a Boston Legal lifestyle, with Law & Order excitement. They put forth salary calculations. What is the point of a Tier 2 education, if BigLaw pays it no mind? And for those who graduated Tier 3 and Tier 4? Verdict: Might as well go and shoot themselves, to end the income-less misery.

Since becoming a lawyer, I am familiar with the low morale of the profession. I have heard the horror stories. I have experienced some on my own. One interviewer came right out and said, "I hate what I'm doing, but this was the only job I could get. And now, I am hiring you so I could do less of this crap."

And yet, I do not understand it. A law education--like everything else--could only benefit those who consider it an asset, and use it with strategy. It serves only one purpose--to add value to you. Who thinks, have goals, and makes decisions that ultimately control your life.

The profession is indeed saturated, but you are not trapped in a dead-end street. Be prepared to suffer some drastic short-term hardship, in order to acquire the tools for long-term success. Graduated from other than a Top 10 law school? Apply to be a prosecutor, and package yourself into a great trial attorney. Hate the petty back-and-forth of litigation? Network into regulatory or in-house or consulting fields. Want to make the big dollars? Start spending time with entrepreneurs, and see if you could catch the flights as they go up and out.

With intellect and flexibility, tempered by careful financial planning, what can limit you, but yourself?

Preparing to say goodbye.

2007-09-21T13:14:00.000-07:00

Photo: Boston at Dusk. 09.2007
In the days before I had my driver's license, I used to think Boston was a small, boring city.

My mind was full of tender yearnings for New York, or Chicago, or LA. Or Shanghai, or Hong Kong, or Beijing. Or London. Or Paris. Or Venice.. --Wait a minute, it still is! Nevermind.

Regardless, after one full year, I am finally synching to the rhythm of this city. Despite a truly moronic memory for geography, I now know a few secret parking spaces, as well as some hole-in-the-wall restaurants.

I have walked the banks of the Charles.

I have hanged in a reasonable number of hip places, and saw the trannie show at Jacques, and played pool at Felt, and partook of the desserts at Finale's.

I have window-shopped in Copley. I have spent slow afternoons, flipping through magazines at Borders Downtown, then ransacked the inventory of So Good Jewelry. I have breakfasted mid-Sunday morning on Newberry. I have dined post-clubbing in Chinatown, at 3AM.

I am conversant with the T. I can navigate Storrow Drive.

I am finally starting to feel like a Bostonian--or at least, no longer a stranger. But now, I must pack up and start the show anew, all over again. This is heartbreaking. Just a little.

On a brighter note: I have never taken the duck-tour, which according to some (drifters themselves from other cities), is the one activity that makes for a true Bostonian. That, and become a die-hard Red Sox fan.

Maybe I should put that on my to-do list, before I leave. Or maybe I am just deluding myself that I'll actually finish packing before the day I leave, and have the time for such irrelevance!

Strange item.

2007-09-20T13:38:00.000-07:00

Photo: Car. 08.2007

Some things just happen for no reason.

Relationship. (What else?)

2007-09-18T12:40:00.000-07:00

Photo: The Party. 08.2007
Sometimes I wonder how people manage to find and connect one with another. So many elements could potentially clash or mismatch, so that after the initial passionate fires, we are left like anonymous ships, only tenuously moored together.

I've had a few of those before. The joyful excitement of the initial days, followed by rapid decline into flatness and ennui. His beautiful physique becomes nothing special--I've seen better on billboards and commercials. His amazing ability to dress like a modern Cary Grant on budget? Ugh; he spends more time getting ready than I do.

So I admit: I've spent my green years committing the sin of superficiality. So I confess: I have sought to pleasure only the eyes, but not the mind. So I conclude: It is easier to say no, than to force together what (I predict) is not meant to be, or merely settle for mediocrity.

Yet most people seem to do fine. They meet, they hang, they attach, and happiness--or at least a good semblance--ensues. And not only so, but seemingly so easily. How? Somebody, throw me a clue!

Am I blinded by the myth of compatibility? Do I expect too much from what is, after all, only one of the many relationships in life? Am I suffering that ridiculous malais of modern women, expecting not companionship, but love and soul-deep understanding, in a package repleat with ambition, humor, intellect, and a six-pack to boot?

Or worse, am I turning into Carrie Bradshaw?

So I return to reality: 運命惟所遇, 循環不可尋. What will come, will come.

New daily affirmation: "I will be open to all the opportunities Life present me, and be content."

--Ha ha, hell no! Do you even know me? Daily affirmations, indeed!

So it starts.

2007-09-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

These days it seems like everybody has a blog.

I was reading just the other day that we are entering a new age of absolute disclosure. Apparently what separates one generation from the next is ... the sense of privacy. On the one hand, we have a tide of precocious little kids, flickring and youtubing and blogging away, revealing to the world all the painful and secret and irrelevant bits of themselves. On the other, we have geezers who barely understand the joys of Internet, let alone Web 2.0.

Regardless, it comes down to this. I, being a flotsom creature, moved by the winds and swept by the waves, have now decided to follow where the masses have tread a solid path. So this is my blog.

I wonder if life will imitate art (or merely artifice)? Will I, like Cecilia from The Importance of Being Ernest, create a wildly entertaining online self, in the hopes that my real life will follow?

... Nah.